Monday Mindfulness Minute: It's always something

"Most people's lives are cluttered up with things: material things, things to do, things to think about. Their lives are like the history of humanity, which Winston Churchill defined as "one damn thing after another." A New Earth p. 227

"It's always something!!!" How many times have we said this? How many times this week have we said this? How many times today have we said this? How often do we hear others say it? 

We plan out our days/weeks/months/years and the inevitable disruption occurs. It's always something.  

The dog poops on the floor. It's always something.  

The car gets a flat tire on our way to the important meeting. It's always something.  

The kid gets sick right before vacation. It's always something.  

We must consider how we say, "It's always something." Do we say it in a relaxed and calm tone, or is it a desperate plea for the unexpected thing that just happened to get resolved as quickly as possible? I know for me it's usually the latter.  

But isn't that the joy of living life? It's literally always something. Every day new things are happening. Every day we get to meet new people. Every day we set out a plan and get to figure out what to do when it inevitably doesn't go to plan. Is there a way we can appreciate it always being something instead of viewing it as a pain?  

In the situation where the dog poops on the floor are we able to be grateful to even have a dog and have the opportunity to learn about unconditional love?

You get a flat tire. How many people in this world aren't able to drive cars? How far has that tire brought you already? 

How fortunate are you to have a child to begin with? 

What do we want it to be instead of always something? Always nothing? What if those somethings are where we experience learning and growth? What if our freedom is found in those somethings? How alive would it feel if that "something" brought an ecstatic feeling of love and mystery instead of dread?

Our opportunity this week is to catch when we or others say "it's always something." This doesn't mean when we hear someone else say it we preach to them that they should be grateful ("Idiot, of course it's always something. What else would it be?). Instead, we can view this as a gift that has been presented to us to remember to embrace unexpected and uncomfortable situations. It's a beautiful reminder that can pull us from our day-to-day melodramas to remind us to appreciate the miracle of being alive on this planet experiencing something at all.

Monday Mindfulness Minute: Is life driving you crazy? Try Traffic meditation

Our daily opportunity/challenge on the inner path is to see that we are not our racing thoughts. Developing this space has been called many things such as mindfulness, witness consciousness, developing the witness, etc. While different in name, they all return to the same lesson; can we remember over and over that we are not the mind?

Developing this perspective is crucial because until we realize we are not the mind, our thoughts will completely determine the quality of our lives. Meditation is one such technique we can employ to develop space between our thoughts and how we respond to hopefully have more positive responses than negative reactions.

If you are new to meditation, don't think of it as some advanced skill reserved for only Buddhists or Zen masters. Meditation is simply us sitting down and watching our thoughts without getting involved. While meditation can be a powerful tool, one potential pitfall is that we only do it "on the cushion" (i.e. in a 10-minute window in a quiet room away from the noise of the world) and thus never integrate the practice into our daily lives.

That's where traffic meditation comes in.

How much time do we spend driving? A ton, right? And if you're anything like me, driving presents me with plenty of opportunities to be automatically upset. Half the time I feel like I need Formula 1 driving experience to even survive on the precarious Atlanta highways. Driving can either be a drain that sets us on the worst footing to start our day or the perfect place to see if our practice of mindfulness stands up to true tests.

Here are some ways to practice traffic meditation and a few examples of how to reframe negative thoughts this week:

• Don't turn on any music/podcasts during your drive and see what thoughts come up (this will be rough at first). You will quickly be reminded that you have the music on to try to drown out those thoughts. Just start with a 5-minute segment.

• As the cars pass by you, instead of thinking, "I would for sure get a ticket if I was going that fast," just let this remind you how thoughts whiz past us and don't get involved.

• When a car gets a little too close, aka tailgates you, be thankful for how much comfort and support they are providing. We want people to be close to us, right? Why is it different with cars? Be thankful!

• In bumper-to-bumper traffic and you're late for work, try to notice how all the brake lights look like faces smiling back at you. It works best if you imagine that Buddha/Jesus/whoever you look up to is smiling back at you and providing you a moment to come back home (home is a still place inside each of us).

We must practice with traffic and other "ordinary" daily situations because let's be honest, if we can't handle the traffic, we'll never be able to handle the bigger things that come up. Each time we watch the thoughts without getting involved we do an inner rep that will give us the strength later to pause and respond in more vital moments.

Monday Mindfulness Minute: Stop chasing the third thing

For this I bless you most: You give much and know not that you give at all. Verily the kindness that gazes upon itself in a mirror turns to stone, And a good deed that calls itself by tender names becomes the parent to a curse. -The Prophet p. 89

The more I watch, the clearer it is that I rarely give or do anything without expecting something in return.

• I hold the door for someone and I'm slighted if they don't say thank you.

• I text someone because I'm thinking of them and get frustrated or feel insignificant if they don't text back.

• I give someone a birthday gift and am looking for a return gift when my big day rolls around (it's coming up in January hint hint...).

• I share a writing on social media and am looking for how many likes/comments/shares it receives and I am disappointed if there is little reaction.

The thank you in response, the text back we desperately need, the re-paid gift, and the likes on social media are all the "third thing." For some reason, the initial giving isn't enough until we receive something back.

As the Roman Emperor Marcus Aurelius reflected over 1,800 years ago (I originally learned about this idea from a Daily Stoic Email), "When you've done well and another has benefited by it, why like a fool do you look for a third thing on top -- credit for the good deed or a favor in return?"

To avoid this foolishness that has stuck with us for centuries, we must constantly interrogate our motive: "Was I being authentically giving or was I looking to take something from them?" It's not even a physical something we want in return. The quick hit of energy that accompanies being recognized or told that we doing a good job is the gold we live for.

Once we stop chasing the reactions, we will feel the abundant energy that flows when we give unconditionally. This energy has been there the whole time but we've been wasting it as we search for recognition. Let's continue to work, "To give and to give and to give, and to know that is my riches." (How Can I Help p. 214)

We help others because we can, or because it makes us feel good, not because we're counting on some future payback. There is a word for this: love. -Georgraphy of Bliss p. 143